Suffering....and perspective

I am struck today by something that happens to everyone but few people are able to understand and reconcile: suffering.

My most recent bout of suffering that I would consider notable was a couple of years ago. I spent six months waiting on a visa to come to Brasil, and my suffering was loud. As I prepare to leave Brasil, I look back and wonder at how I suffered. I don't mean how much; I mean how. I fear that I suffered badly. I tend to wonder why things happen to me, in a very self-centered way. Why me instead of someone else? My limited vision tends not to focus on how God is using the current suffering to grow me up in Him. I just want it to be over.

My instincts react to suffering by trying to get out of it. Who wants to suffer? Yet Christ tells us that we will suffer. He tells us to expect it.

As I look back on where I was 2 years ago, I wonder what is coming that God was preparing me for. It may be nothing. It may be a terrible tragedy that is far worse than waiting on a visa. It may just be waiting for something else that I long for, that He has called me to do. I desperately want to suffer well when I suffer. I want to be Christ to others, even when I suffer.

My concept of suffering is weak. I don't face it head on, even if it is only somebody being upset with me. I have no experience with being beaten or shipwrecked or imprisoned for my faith. I am a lightweight when it comes to persecution. It's not something that is in my consciousness, because my idea of discomfort is the lack of 3 meals a day. My idea of persecution is someone making fun of my faith. Paul would laugh me out of the room if he were alive today.