Suffering....and perspective

I am struck today by something that happens to everyone but few people are able to understand and reconcile: suffering.

My most recent bout of suffering that I would consider notable was a couple of years ago. I spent six months waiting on a visa to come to Brasil, and my suffering was loud. As I prepare to leave Brasil, I look back and wonder at how I suffered. I don't mean how much; I mean how. I fear that I suffered badly. I tend to wonder why things happen to me, in a very self-centered way. Why me instead of someone else? My limited vision tends not to focus on how God is using the current suffering to grow me up in Him. I just want it to be over.

My instincts react to suffering by trying to get out of it. Who wants to suffer? Yet Christ tells us that we will suffer. He tells us to expect it.

As I look back on where I was 2 years ago, I wonder what is coming that God was preparing me for. It may be nothing. It may be a terrible tragedy that is far worse than waiting on a visa. It may just be waiting for something else that I long for, that He has called me to do. I desperately want to suffer well when I suffer. I want to be Christ to others, even when I suffer.

My concept of suffering is weak. I don't face it head on, even if it is only somebody being upset with me. I have no experience with being beaten or shipwrecked or imprisoned for my faith. I am a lightweight when it comes to persecution. It's not something that is in my consciousness, because my idea of discomfort is the lack of 3 meals a day. My idea of persecution is someone making fun of my faith. Paul would laugh me out of the room if he were alive today.

I hate to keep on posting about being sick, but I'm still sick. I feel like my head is going to explode and my teeth are going to fall out. Not to mention the soreness I'm currently experiencing from getting really ambitious and doing ONE (yes, only one) set of 10 lunges on each leg. 2 nights ago. And the fact that my back is so out of line that when my chiropractor sees it, I will get chewed out. At least I can chew him out right back in Portuguese.

High point of the day: A massage at 3:30. Bliss.

It's cold here, and I'm only going to get colder....

We're headed to Atibaia, SP for our annual meeting this week, and the temperature is supposed to be in the 50's at night and might get up into the 70's during the day over the next few days. I'll be in internet range, but I can't think of anything interesting that I might care to blog about in the next week. It's all boring meetings.

I am, however, looking forward to getting away from the city for a week. The hustle and bustle is getting to me.

Icky...

I am sick. I have been feeling pretty run-down for the past couple of weeks, and I woke up yesterday morning with a sore throat. One of our medical volunteers looked at my throat, and it was pretty red and raw. She prescribed me an antibiotic, which I am happily taking. I am resting this weekend so I can get better.

I love working in a medical clinic, because it means free meds.

I was going to do a grand 300th post for my 30th birthday, but I seem to be a few days late. This seems more appropriate, at least today. It's where I am. Trust is crucial.

"God has hemmed me in to nothing, that I may have nothing, do nothing, want nothing, save Himself."
--Jim Elliot

Panic and provision

I have been sitting comfortably (or uncomfortably) in panic mode for about the past 3 days. Fortunately, it doesn't have anything to do with me crossing over into my fourth decade of life (that's the 30's, for those of you who are thinking you missed 10 years of my life), though the timing seems somewhat suspicious.

It has much more to do with being overwhelmed at the near future (the next year), because though the next year will bring much joy, there is certainly a lot to figure out. I am leaving Brasil in October. So then what? My questions are slowly being answered, but that just brings up more questions. Where will I live? What will I do? Will I have enough money to live on? What about a car? Is gas really $4 a gallon? Hmmph. It's about $6 a gallon here. But then again, I don't have to pay for it here. And then there are other questions that I know the answers to, but they aren't blog-worthy quite yet.

I am beginning to understand (though I am probably being overly dramatic) what it is to have to depend on the Lord for provision. He reminded me this morning that He owns the cattle on a thousand hills, and that He can proverbially sell some to provide what He wants for me.

Mission car, take 3

Not sure if you've been keeping up with me, but in the 20 months I've been back in Brasil, I've now had 3 different cars.

Take 1: A silver, 4-door Honda Civic. This car was awesome, except the radio was fritzy and the CD player never worked. Stolen a little over a year ago.

Take 2: A white, 4-door Ford Mondeo station wagon imported from Uruguay. As a result of the stolen Honda, we had "Igrejas Batistas" (Baptist churches) put on it -- all sides, and the license plate number on top. Just in case we had to search for it from the air. Somehow (maybe because the car is over 10 years old or maybe because the roads here SUCK), the torsion bar on the back right side got broken, and I can no longer carry heavy loads or people in the backseat.

Take 3: Upon driving up to my building today, what should be sitting in the parking lot but a black Toyota Corolla. Not sure what year it is, but it's at least a little beat up. The letters will be going on it soon. Here's to hoping we won't have any problems with it!

Overload

Our volunteers are the best, in that they always ask us what they can bring us from the US -- things we can't get here or things that may be expensive. We asked the team that is currently here to bring in Splenda, M&M's, and granola bars. Actually, we just asked one person. We got the equivalent of 3 boxes of Splenda, 5 boxes of granola bars, and SEVEN bags of M&M's (4 medium, 1 large, and 2 extra-large, including a bag of dark chocolate peanut). We will be fat and happy for at least the next few weeks.

Addendum: Amy found yet ANOTHER bag of M&M's in her backpack. That brings the grand total to EIGHT.

Mexican goodness

So David and I made taco Hamburger Helper last night. I know that may not seem like a big deal, but since we don't have it here.... I love all foodstuffs Mexican (though I'm sure there's something out there that I hate that I haven't tried, just like everywhere else), and David brought the Hamburger Helper for me. No Mexican meal is complete without...tortilla chips! Scoops, to be exact. They were an early birthday present. Apparently, my birthday presents are running along a Mexican food theme. Never mind that we have a fabulous Mexican restaurant that serves a buffet (complete with chips and sour cream -- two things we can't easily find in this city).
The fact that I am excited about a birthday bag of tortilla chips attests to two things: first, tortilla chips are scarce around here. Second, I love my man because he knows these things and exploits any little opportunity to make me happy.

A disappearing act....

I haven't written a prayer update for quite some time now, so here is the latest:
Hello once again from the beautiful city of Rio!
I know it's been awhile since I've written, but I kept putting it off because I was waiting for something to write about! In the past few months, we have had countless meetings with churches, I have done some traveling, and I even had the privilege of a visit from a good friend.
Our teams started a couple of weeks ago, with a basketball group from Belmont being our first. It is always amazing to me how God uses whatever skills we have to open doors for us to talk to people about Him.
We had a medical team last week in a new area and things went extremely well. Our next 4 weeks are full of teams, with no rest until July.
Please pray for our strength and rest, as we are already tired.
Pray for the next few weeks:
May 30-June 7 -- Brentwood in Vila do João
June 7-14 -- Youth team in Centenário (we are there this week)
June 14-21 -- Clarksville in Dendê
June 21-28 -- Columbia at Parque Independência
Pray that the people of Brasil will continue to be hungry for the Lord, and that we will be able to tell people about Him simply and personally. I have been studying 1 Corinthians lately and am struck by what Paul says in chapter 1 about preaching the gospel simply so that the cross will not be emptied of its power. May we remember that the message of the gospel is simple yet profound.
He alone is worthy.