On friendship

I am beginning to realize how important friendships are to me. You know, those people you have met along the way and will always be a part of your life, no matter who else comes in it. Having been able to see friends over Christmas, I realized that I have a lot more of those friendships than I thought. I am grateful that I have friends I can share my opinion with, who may or may not take my advice, but don't think twice about the way I say things. They know me, they know my heart, and they know I'm not telling them something out of spite or meanness. And so they take my opinion and do what they will with it, but they don't ridicule it; they respect it. And they don't get mad at me for saying it. Those with whom I can be unabashedly honest with are few, and I love them. That kind of honesty and transparency takes time, effort, and not a few disagreements. You have to know it's okay to be who you are, because you are just that. You have to know that if you don't change your opinion on something, your friend is still your friend. You have to walk together long enough to know that walking together is something you do because you want to, because you know the effort is worth it, not because it's something you have to do.
At first, there is no vision of something bigger. All of a sudden, you look back and realize it's been 5, 8, 10 years since that first random meeting, whether you had mutual friends, or your dates decided to ditch you, or you were both going overseas. And you are thankful that God has allowed those people to come into your life and stay. As frustrating as they can be, you are equally frustrating. But that's only because you want to see them make good choices and grow as people. They want the same for you.

Exhaustion, a temporary conclusion

At the risk of boring readers (and myself) by continuing to write about how tired I am, let me just say: I am sleeping. Not enough, but I am sleeping. I am no longer stressing about sleep. My room is considerably darker with the red display hidden. I have not taken medicine to sleep. I might just brave a nap this afternoon.

Exhaustion, Day???

I'm actually just too lazy to count backwards. I have been sleeping better, even over the weekend, which is surprising, considering I saw 2 intense films in 2 days (I Am Legend and Rendition). I have started doing my yoga before bed (apparently your muscles are stretchier at night and it's easier to do), and the whole hiding of my clock has been quite helpful. I'm still waking up in the middle of the night, but I'm not nearly as conscious of it because I don't have red numbers staring at me, mocking me.
The weather here has been prime for daytime sleeping (cool, rainy), and I am sorely tempted....

Exhaustion, Day 3

Not sure what time I went to sleep last night, but it was after midnight (my fault for staying up more than anything). I woke up several times during the night and am getting increasingly frustrated. I am holding off on taking meds to help the sleeping as long as I can (don't worry; I have a small supply on hand), but I am coming close to caving.
There is something in me really wanting to reset my body's circadian clock -- I got up at 8:00 this morning and am really wanting to get in bed right now. Problem is, it's not dark, nor is it past 6:00pm. Maybe if I'm like Paul and make my body obey me....

Exhaustion, Day 2

I put my clock with the big bright red numbers under my bed last night so I wouldn't be tempted to stress about what time it was. I'm really not sure how well it worked, though I know that it took me at least an hour to fall asleep. There are churches whose bells toll every 15 minutes -- that kind of defeats the purpose of my putting the clock under my bed, but at least I'm not tempted to look, right?
This morning at 7:05, my cell phone battery decided to signal its imminent exhaustion as well. Man, that sound is loud! I plugged it in and went back to sleep. My boss called at 7:48. My alarm went off at 8:15, 8:20, and 8:25. I got up at 8:55, read, did yoga, and went for a walk around the block. I have been busy this morning and am tired. Maybe that will help tonight.
On the sleep itself? It wasn't enough.

Exhaustion

I am exhausted. I have had some trouble sleeping over the past few days and I can't figure out why. A myriad of wonderings has passed through my mind, several times. Is it because of the creepy presence that's felt in my room from time to time? Is it because my room isn't dark enough? Is it because of the fact that I am now 3 hours ahead of the time I'm used to going to bed? Is it because my mind is always working, in 2 languages? Is it because I am always in "alert mode" here in Brasil, waiting for the proverbial ax to fall? Is it because I am anxious about getting to sleep?
I have no idea. And it sucks.

Not only in Brasil

I'm sure this could happen in a myriad of other countries, too, but why is it always me?
I went to the Federal Police yesterday to renew my registration and everybody was super nice. Except for the guy who doesn't really like anybody. Good going, right? Yup. Then I got to the last guy. He was also super nice, but noticed that my visa that I've gotten extended had been cancelled in my passport and I'm just in on a tourist visa. He still gave me the stamp in my passport and the little piece of paper that says I'm legally in the country (until October 15, 2008), but warned me that if my paperwork doesn't get approved in Brasília, they will send me an "invitation to appear at the Federal Police" and I will have to leave the country. One thing after another, right? I apparently was supposed to send copies of my papers in with my tourist visa paperwork letting the consulate know I was in the process of extending my visa. Our lawyer told me not to. How frustrating is that? His (the last guy's) exact words were, "let's root for you." Or something like that.
Pray that I don't get kicked out of the country.

2008 To-Do List

I suppose that since it's a new year, I should get into the psychologically appropriate spirit of setting goals. You know, new year, new goals and all. Especially since last year's were kind of a bust. I made a list yesterday of things to do daily, and I completed that list yesterday (1-3; I added 4 and 5 today). I'm hoping I will stick to them.
Here it is, and I may add to or subtract from it at any time....
1. Read/journal/pray
2. Read part of any one of the many books on my "currently reading" list
3. Yoga (apparently, because of my high-stress life and misaligned spine, I am a good candidate)
4. Exercise (not daily, but 3 times a week would be good)
5. Cook something fun every once in a while -- I can't bring myself to cook that much for just me (potato soup was last night, and boy, was it good!)

Back to "reality"

I arrived in Rio this morning safe and sound. No trouble with immigration or customs, though my bags were packed full of fun stuff that doesn't come from Brasil. All of it is for personal use, of course. My flight was uneventful, but there are a few highlights:

• - Before we boarded, I was sitting down eating dinner and a family (around 8 people, including 4 generations) came to sit down near me. The great grandmother needed to sit as well, and the chair I was in was closest to the rest of the family. They directed her to sit somewhere in the row of empty chairs next to me (farther away from the family) and I said, "I can move," thinking that the family would like to sit together. I immediately received a comically collective "NO!" from them. Not sure if it's because I was in the middle of eating my sandwich or because they really didn't want me to have to move. Either way, it was dramatic in true Brasilian fashion.
• When we boarded the plane, we all had little packets in our seats, complete with earphones (for the movie), a mask, lotion (I guess that they can put it on the plane, even if we can't bring it), toothbrush and toothpaste, and earplugs. It is the last I am immensely thankful for. I inserted them into my ears in an attempt to block out the roaring noise from the jet's engines (I was in an exit row seat on the wing -- praise God for those). About halfway through the night I awoke to the sound of a kid screaming. The sound was coming from a seat not near mine. I kept thinking, "Thank You, God, for earplugs," and wondered how much the screaming would have disturbed me had I been sans auditory protection.
• I was on the east side of the plane this morning and was blessed to actually see the sun rising -- from the thin ribbon of sunlight creeping over the horizon to the sun in full display. Full enough to warm me at 30,000 feet.

Boy, am I glad to be back.

It's here!

I am leaving this afternoon for Brasil, and I am skillfully procrastinating. I don't think I'll get everything in my suitcases (that I think are allowed to be up to 70 pounds, since I bought my ticket in Brasil). I don't want to weed anything out, because I will of course be in dire need of it if I don't take it. I'm acting like I live in the middle of nowhere, with no stores around me. And here I sit, typing instead of packing. Back to the undesired....

Just another day

until the mail lady came. Not the regular one, the express one. My passport came in today, and I will be leaving for Brasil on Tuesday evening. Yay! I am ready to go back, since it has been COLD here lately.