Deceitfulness of the heart

Some days, I wonder about my own heart, if it is capable and ready to give out mercy and grace. I know that there is a part of me that desires justice, but that is hard for me to give out as well. Setting boundaries? Forget it. Part of me (the part that's been winning for awhile) likes to put off a tough exterior, so that people think that I'm strong and not vulnerable at all. Most people who really know me (although some get confused sometimes -- I'm that good) know my weaknesses, and know that I need help, and that I need comfort, and that I screw up daily. I just want to be me, but some days I don't know who that is, and the thing that plagues me most is that single question that burns deep inside each of us -- "Will the real me be accepted, all of me, my secret sins, my secret faults, that no one but God knows about?" Not to mention the fact that I know I can be obnoxious, and I struggle with the difference between being needy and needing others.
Being away from my own culture, away from my friends, with time on my hands forces me to get down and look at myself face to face. I think that God wants me to know myself, but I'm not sure that I want to. When it comes down to it, I'm just a scared little girl who needs her Heavenly Father's comfort and reassurance that she is loved, with all of who she is.
Why is that so hard for us to accept? I mean, that we are loved. Part of us wants so badly to be able to accept and receive it, but part of us (the part that unfortunately wins so many battles) thinks that God cannot possibly love us, for we are much too bad, and we are much too far from Him, and we are much too willing to please others and not willing enough to please Him. To rebuke myself for this only serves to make it worse. Yet, to rejoice in ourselves, because we are fearfully and wonderfully made (even the sinful parts, which we inherited as part of our nature), brings great relief. I am reminded that God has not made a mistake in making me who I am, and that I do not have to impose impossible standards for myself, for the two most important commandments are these: "Hear, O Israel, the Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength," and "Love your neighbor as yourself." In following these, the will of God will be done. Seek the Lord, and do His will. He accepts us exactly as we are when we come to Him, yet He draws us unto Himself so that we will be like Him, so that we will show mercy, as He has shown mercy to us.