Emotions and rest

I am sitting here in between Julie's leaving and David's arrival and experiencing a lot of emotions. Gratefulness that my friend who lived across the world for 2 years got to come and visit, experiencing most of what I experience on a daily basis. Amazement at how alike we are (and how alike our men seem to be!). Jealousy that she is getting married in 2 months and I still have to wait. Anticipation that David gets here on Wednesday and disappointment that I can't see him until Thursday. Longing to be settled instead of being a vagabond. 4 years is enough. Sadness at the realization that I only have 5 months left here.

I am distracted easily. So easily, in fact, that I find it hard sometimes to bring a sentence (or at least a thought) to completion. The emotions above are mixed in with thoughts of what I have to do this week, and how I'm going to get organized, and how I'm going to get everything done. Included in those thoughts is how I'm going to finish the 5 books that I'm currently reading (plus the Bible), how I'm going to get caught up on all my TV shows (almost there with LOST), and general overactive mind. So overactive, in fact, that what's up there is a big ol' mess of jumble, and unlike my desk, where I can find things, I reach for things in my mind that just don't seem to be there. But maybe they moved out without telling me.

I have so much on my plate (some job-related, some self-imposed) that my journal entries have shrunk to the minuscule size of "Job 20-42" and "1 Chronicles 1-6." Is it speaking and thinking in two languages? Is it my inability to rest? Is it being ready to finish? Is it the fear of not being able to contain the words once they start coming out? I don't know. I know that I am tired, and that even vacation didn't really help (though it was amazing). I want to rest my mind, and I want to take care of myself, so I can be ready to do what needs to be done. But the rest doesn't come.