Psalm 35

It has been quite awhile since I have put something down here that I feel is "of substance." I hit a wall today, yet the Lord opened the floodgates and gave me this:
The Lord is opening my eyes to know what kind of battle is going on for my life. He knows that He already has my soul, and so the true fight is to see who I am going to live for -- myself (or Satan) or for God? I am coming to the realization that I am not the only one fighting that battle, and that is such good news to me! I have tried and tried for so long to conquer the enemy and have been so unsuccessful. Watchman Nee’s The Normal Christian Life is helping me to understand that my efforts, no matter how well-placed, are efforts of the flesh. The Lord is teaching me that sometimes I am to stop fighting and let Him do the work. That brings new meaning to Psalm 46:10 -- “Cease striving, and know that I am God.” Instead of living in the flesh, I am to live in the Spirit. What does that mean? Sometimes I am not even sure; however, I do know that all of my fleshly efforts must stop to let the Holy Spirit work in and through me.
I have been going through David’s feelings in Psalm 35 -- I am feeling them too! He begins with a plea for the Lord to contend with those who contend with him and to fight against those who fight against him. Not only that, but to come to his aid and to brandish the spear and javelin against those who pursued him -- to threaten his enemies and scare them off, even. Now, David was the mighty shepherd who struck down Goliath with a sling and a stone, who killed both the lion and the bear with his hands. Why should he need the Lord to fight his battles for him? Yet he did. How much more do I need to rely fully on the Lord to fight for me! He needed to hear that the Lord was his salvation -- he asked the Lord to hear that phrase.
As it was with David, there are those who seek my life and plot my ruin, though they are not people. They are the powers of darkness, set on my ruin -- set on taking my trust away from the Lord and putting it in myself (or in them, even). Set on cutting me off from the vine, when that is my source of life. I see this battle as one where I have fought and fought and when I have just about given up all hope, the Lord comes in and saves my hide. I didn’t weaken the enemy in any way for Him to be able to handle (you know, like loosening the lid of the pickle jar for the next person). He allows me to fight so that I can see my own weakness and fall into despair. I know that sounds funny, but there is good news at the end of that -- He rescues the poor from those too strong for them.
Verses 11-18 describe somewhat my current wave of feelings. The enemy sends forward ruthless witnesses who ask questions that have nothing to do with the real issue. I entertain them as if they were worthy to be thought on; I take them into my mind and my heart as if they were family, as if they had always lived there, as if they are truly at home there. I do know that if I am not careful, they will take up residence and stay. They are only waiting around to watch me fall, which actually gives me new motivation to stand firm. Verse 20 really hit me because it’s the culmination of those other verses -- if there is nothing to accuse, then they make something up. As I was reading that verse, another one came to mind, Romans 8:33 -- “Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies.” Wow. No matter what the enemy accuses me of, I am justified in Christ. Of course, if I am living in sin, then the Lord has to search my heart and show me that. But accusations that are solely of the enemy are what I am talking about here. He has accused me of many things that I have taken to heart, but the scales are beginning to fall off and I am beginning to see them for what they are -- lies.
David pleads with the Lord to awake and rise to his defense, to be not silent. He wants to be vindicated, not in his own righteousness, but in the righteousness of the Lord. He pleads the Lord not to let his enemies think they have won; he asks the Lord to put those who gloat over his distress to be put to shame and confusion, to be clothed with shame and disgrace. And as for those who delight in his vindication, where does he turn their praise? To the Lord. And to top it all off, he praises the Lord. A song that begins in distress ends in praise. Let mine be so as well.