Let's keep it simple, folks

That's one of the crazy things down here, I think. The Catholic church is a very strong presence here in Brazil, which is one reason I'm so anxious for people to come down and get a taste of the misinformation that people are given, even from within the church! I asked someone one day if he was going to heaven. He said "Yes." I asked him then, "Why?" And he said, "Because I'm a boa Catolica (a good Catholic)." I asked him how he was saved. He answered "Mary." No mention of Jesus anywhere. It's an amazing thing to me how corrupt religion as a whole has actually become. Does that disillusion me? Actually, no. It's frustrating some days, but it motivates me even more to spread the message of Jesus's death and resurrection. Some days, I have to stop and think about what it is that I truly believe. Before I came down here, I wrote The Apostle's Creed in the front of my journal. We grew up saying it every Sunday in church. For awhile I didn't hear it because I was in my first few of years in college and not going to any church regularly, but I have begun to hear it again in the past few years. It's sweet music to my ears now, because with all that is in the New Testament, it's a concise list of my basic beliefs.
I think that even I have made Christianity complicated. We in America have become apologetic about the gospel. Jesus was not. The gospel is what it is, just as God said to Moses, "I AM who I AM." It is simple and basic. Let's keep it that way.
I believe in God, the Father Almighty,
the Creator of heaven and earth,
and in Jesus Christ, His only Son, our Lord:
Who was conceived of the Holy Spirit,
born of the Virgin Mary,
suffered under Pontius Pilate,
was crucified, died, and was buried.
He descended into hell.
The third day He arose again from the dead.
He ascended into heaven
and sits at the right hand of God the Father Almighty,
from whence He shall come to judge the living and the dead.
I believe in the Holy Spirit, one holy church,
the communion of saints,
the forgiveness of sins,
the resurrection of the body,
and life everlasting.
Amen.

No time to turn around

The past few weeks have been a blur. I am beginning to understand how difficult this job really is, for so many reasons. Number one, there is no down time. I have to force myself to sit down at night and read my Bible instead of going right to sleep some days. There are always others around, and though they are fun people, sometimes I just want to be alone. Number two, there is a different group of people coming in every week, and they are all very different in their work styles, in their personalities; in short, we have to figure each new team out, person by person.
God is teaching me a lot about working with people -- about figuring out how our work styles can converge and be both effective and efficient, and even fun.
As tired as I am, though, there is no other place in the world that I would rather be than right here.

Never in doubt

So the previous post gave attention to my penchant for being opinionated. This one gives attention to my friends who put up with it.
Take one friend, for example. I told him what I thought about something that was going on in his life. He wrote back, saying that he knew and understood what I thought, but that he wasn't going to take my advice. Now I've known him for quite awhile, and I am so blessed that I have friends who will let me give my opinion, but who also feel free not to take it if they don't want to.
My roommate told me that my friends can't complain that I didn't give them my opinion on a situation, good or bad. Sometimes that extends to people who don't know me as well, so they take offense to what I have to say. They don't stop to consider whether it's right or not -- my opinion may be wrong! As a good friend once said, "I may be wrong, but I'm never in doubt."

Acho que....

Okay, so I'm opinionated. I can't decide if that's good or bad today. I've found myself giving people advice on their love lives, though they didn't ask for it. They haven't gotten mad at me -- yet. We'll see if it stays that way. I tend to tell people how I think it is first, and let the consequences come. Do I mean to hurt people's feelings? Nope. I'm actually a pretty nice person, most days. Sometimes it just happens that way. I want so badly to be honest with people, to speak the truth in love, yet I can come off as uncaring and mean when I share my opinion.
I do try, though, to let people make their own mistakes. I also try not to say "I told you so" too often. I am learning that there are good ways and bad ways to tell the truth. I, unfortunately, am not very adept in telling truth in the good ways. I don't know how other people manage.

A heart for home

I talked to a good friend the other day, and I began to realize that my heart is broken for Americans. Not the country, but its people. So many have heard the gospel and decided to reject it. I'm not sure if it's our country's individual mindset ("my right to do what I want when I want where I want") or the lack of true disciples within the church, or even the exclusivity of the church and some of its entities, but it makes me sad all the same.
Paul says it this way in Romans: "Brothers, my heart's desire and prayer to God for the Israelites is that they may be saved." (Romans 10:1) His ministry was to the Gentiles -- his call was to spread the gospel to those who were not Jewish, yet his heart still broke for those who were Jewish who were not saved, for they were his ancestors and family. My call is to preach the gospel to Brazilians, yet I desire for my ancestors and fellow countrymen to come to the knowledge of the gospel. They have heard it; why don't they want it? I am afraid that God has hardened the hearts of the people as He did to Pharoah. I am afraid that Americans, as a whole, have squandered the opportunity to say yes to God with their entire lives. I am afraid that they are deceived into thinking that everything has to be right before they can approach the cross. That is a lie. Nothing can be made right until we approach the cross, for it is there that Christ laid down His life for all who would believe in Him.

Praise God! The luggage is in one piece and in my possession.

Good grief!

I'm not sure that everyone wanted me to return to Brazil. I missed a connection in Miami (because of a flight delay due to weather), so I rebooked my flight for a different airline. I had to RUN (yes, run with carry-on baggage in hand) from terminal H to terminal B, with a stop at terminal D on the way. I made the flight, but my checked luggage is floating around in space somewhere. I was sent to about 3 different places in Miami, and again this morning when I got to Rio. The former about my ticket, and the latter about my bag. Hmmm. Lots of trouble to go through just to make it back. I have to keep reminding myself that this IS where I am supposed to be. Not Atlanta, not Birmingham, but Rio. No matter how frustrating, no matter how comfortable or uncomfortable, Rio is my God-given home for the next few months.
Of course, some of this attitude is frustration at the airlines and the weather, and some is because I am just plain worn out. I'm not even sure what I am still doing up.

Culture shock

I have returned to the States for a week, and I'm already in culture shock (I've been here less than 24 hours). It was very disconcerting to be walking around the airport today and hearing only English. I'm not sure I like that. I've only been gone a month, for goodness' sake! What am I going to be like when I return in November?

Cats were born to play soccer

I really think so. We have 2 cats, George and Samantha, who are pretty cool (though Samantha got me up at 4:30 a.m. yesterday to let her out). As I sit here in the office and type my e-mails, the cats wander in and out as they please -- they think they own the place!
There's a little bouncy ball (you know, the kind that comes with jacks) in here, and as soon as they find it, they bat it around with their paws, which I know is cat instinct or something, but I swear, it looks like they're trying to play soccer. I guess it's fitting, seeing as how soccer (futebol) is practically the national sport here in Brazil. Kids don't play backyard football games. They play soccer. Any place will serve as a soccer field, and anything will serve as a soccer ball. And so, if one kid is kicking something around, the rest will come. Flip-flops, bare feet, and all.

The dumbest thing....

ever about going to the grocery store in Brazil is this: the carts don't fit through the lanes. You know, when you go in the States and get ready to check out, you take everything through to the other side, cart and all? Well, the lane is barely wide enough for my hips -- and I'm not fat! A grocery cart sure isn't getting through there, even the shrunken ones for those of us who don't have a lot of groceries to buy. And so, the area just prior to checkout is littered with grocery carts of all sizes. And people with their groceries, just waiting in line....

Good News

The gospel is not something that I had ever put into words until last week, when I was talking to a room full of Brazilian school children. We make things so hard in the States, with all of our theology and rules and legalism. The gospel comes down to Paul's words in 1 Timothy 1:15 -- "Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners--of whom I am the worst." No more, no less. Jesus gave us two commandments, love God and love your neighbor, not the 3 books of the OT that are devoted to laws that include mold and mildew. We make it so hard, with all the rules that we impose on ourselves, but the truth is, we can't even keep the standards we set for ourselves -- what makes us think we can keep God's standards? We can't. That's the beauty of the gospel. God took something that we couldn't do on our own and He did it for us.

Deceitfulness of the heart

Some days, I wonder about my own heart, if it is capable and ready to give out mercy and grace. I know that there is a part of me that desires justice, but that is hard for me to give out as well. Setting boundaries? Forget it. Part of me (the part that's been winning for awhile) likes to put off a tough exterior, so that people think that I'm strong and not vulnerable at all. Most people who really know me (although some get confused sometimes -- I'm that good) know my weaknesses, and know that I need help, and that I need comfort, and that I screw up daily. I just want to be me, but some days I don't know who that is, and the thing that plagues me most is that single question that burns deep inside each of us -- "Will the real me be accepted, all of me, my secret sins, my secret faults, that no one but God knows about?" Not to mention the fact that I know I can be obnoxious, and I struggle with the difference between being needy and needing others.
Being away from my own culture, away from my friends, with time on my hands forces me to get down and look at myself face to face. I think that God wants me to know myself, but I'm not sure that I want to. When it comes down to it, I'm just a scared little girl who needs her Heavenly Father's comfort and reassurance that she is loved, with all of who she is.
Why is that so hard for us to accept? I mean, that we are loved. Part of us wants so badly to be able to accept and receive it, but part of us (the part that unfortunately wins so many battles) thinks that God cannot possibly love us, for we are much too bad, and we are much too far from Him, and we are much too willing to please others and not willing enough to please Him. To rebuke myself for this only serves to make it worse. Yet, to rejoice in ourselves, because we are fearfully and wonderfully made (even the sinful parts, which we inherited as part of our nature), brings great relief. I am reminded that God has not made a mistake in making me who I am, and that I do not have to impose impossible standards for myself, for the two most important commandments are these: "Hear, O Israel, the Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength," and "Love your neighbor as yourself." In following these, the will of God will be done. Seek the Lord, and do His will. He accepts us exactly as we are when we come to Him, yet He draws us unto Himself so that we will be like Him, so that we will show mercy, as He has shown mercy to us.

A different perspective

I am beginning to see that this side of things is very different in many ways. To be able to put a name with a situation and a favela gives prayer requests so much more meaning. I know who I'm praying for, which somehow makes it easier than just praying for a name in an e-mail.
I am definitely at home here, regardless of the fact that I cannot speak the language yet. I know that some days I will feel completely lost, and some days I won't have any worries, but God is in control of them all.

I'm sorry, I don't understand.

What a week it has been. The past two days we have been in a favela just outside of Rio, called Costa Barros. More basketball, though I'm not having to play anymore. I actually translated an entire conversation today! (And had one only in Portuguese) Who would have thought that my first week here, I would do that?
I am amazed at the giving hearts of all these Belmont students. They do whatever needs to be done, when it needs to be done. They even played a little futebol (soccer) with some Brasileiros (Brazilians) today. I never understood how sports could open the door to tell people about Jesus, but now it is so clear -- everything that we do is an open door.

Stretch

We have a team from Belmont University here to do sports evangelism, and they didn't have enough girls to play a game of basketball. Guess who was the 5th. I am not a basketball player, yet God is asking me to trust Him to do what needs to be done. It gives new meaning to the verse in Philippians 4:13 -- I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.

Poor in whose eyes?

James 2:5 says this: "Listen, my dear brothers: Has not God chosen those who are poor in the eyes of the world to be rich in faith and to inherit the kingdom He promised to those who love Him?"
Today I am struck by the fact that some of the people here in Rio have so little, yet their joy and happiness is unbelievable. We as Americans have set our happiness in material things, and not in the love of God. These Brazilian believers are a wonderful example of finding joy -- not in material things, but in the knowledge that they are loved by God, no matter what.

A full day

20 hours of travel, since I boarded a plane in Atlanta yesterday. I am now actually in Rio, the place that I have waited to be for 18 months now. All that I can say is that God's timing is perfect. I am overwhelmed and amazed at His grace -- He allows me to do what I love for the sake of His kingdom. What a privilege! I am beginning to realize that this journey is two-fold. One part is for the sake of His kingdom, and the other is for Him to change me into the woman that He wants me to be. The part that will stay with me forever is not how I impacted His kingdom, though I know that He will take my filthy rags and make them righteousness. The changes that He brings about in me will stay with me forever, for He wrought them. Sometimes our obedience is truly to His call, but He ends up doing more in us -- making us more like Himself -- than we ever see done in His kingdom. Don't get me wrong; I know that it's there, but I may never see the results. Drawing us into closer relationship with Himself is just as important to Him as furthering His kingdom, I think.

They say that which doesn't kill us makes us stronger. They forgot to tell us the part that it might make us want to scream really loud and drive really fast. So far, so good. With the driving part, anyway. I've been screaming a lot lately. Just one more hump to get over in the road of life, I guess. I'm leaving for Brazil in one week, and it doesn't seem that I will get everything packed. It's a little crazy tonight. I keep finding other things to do, none of which helps me pack, although they are important. Like going out to dinner with a friend one last time, or talking on the phone to your best friend from childhood (for the first time in 6 months).
I am amazed at the friendships that I have built here in the States. Me, who is so independent -- not wanting to burden anyone else with my problems -- I am proud of the deep, satisfying, lasting friendships that I have built. I have a group of people that I can go to when everything is going wrong, and they will mourn with me. They will also celebrate with me when everything is going right (except for the one skeptical friend -- you have one in every group, though he eventually comes around).
I have been praying lately that the Lord will help me to be real with others -- all of me, my struggles, my joys, my obstacles, my feelings, everything. I have very few friends that get me -- who I really am, no holds barred. Most of them could take it, but it's always better to keep some of your cards to yourself, right? I don't even know at this point. But still I pray that I will be real. That I will be genuine. That I will not tell others that I am doing fine when I am not. That I will be willing to share the good days. That I will be willing to share the bad days. Help me to share all that will be helpful and edifying and challenging, but help me to present the real me at the same time.
For me to say that is a paradox, because some of me is definitely not edifying and helpful and challenging, but I must trust that what I see is not necessarily what the Lord allows others to see in me. He shows others what He wants them to see, and I thank Him profusely for that.

Looking forward to the past....

I've been thinking a little recently about just how much we tend to think about the past. For the past 18 months, I have been thinking about what God has done for me in the past, and how perfectly He has arranged my circumstances to get me to Brazil. I've been looking to the past to get me to this one moment -- finally arriving in Brazil -- and can't say that I know much about the future. I know what I'll be doing, but only in a broad sense. I have no idea whose life will change because of me, and I have no idea who will come in and out of my life, unwittingly changing me.
Now I don't believe that we should never look back, because we wouldn't learn anything from our mistakes if we didn't. And we wouldn't know the faithfulness of God if we didn't look back to His Word, written thousands of years ago. Heck, I wouldn't know His faithfulness if I didn't look back to yesterday, or even this morning! Our task, however, is not looking back on the faithfulness of God. Our task is obedience. Is it always easy? No. Is it always fun? No. Is it always fulfilling? Contrary to popular belief, no -- not immediately, anyway. Sometimes it's the thankless tasks that we are to be obedient and do. Every obedient action takes us one step closer to hearing those words, "Well done, good and faithful servant."
I pray that our obedience surpasses that of Lot's wife, who was told not to look back. I pray that it surpasses that of the Israelites, who grumbled because all they had to eat was manna. That it would surpass that of the rich young ruler, who could not part with his money. I pray that our obedience would be that of the early church, willing to face anything, if only the name of Christ were spread throughout the world.

I keep thinking about my new roommates. I'm excited about getting to know them -- 2 girls, both a year or two younger than I am. They will see the real me -- the me under huge stress. The me that is in culture shock. The me that in 3 weeks will be wondering what I was thinking, wanting to move to Brazil for 6 months. I may get a little snappy, and for that I apologize profusely in advance. It's nothing personal, I can assure you.
There's an old quote that goes, "A friend is someone who knows all about you and loves you anyway." There is definitely some truth to that statement. And so, I'm praying that God will make the transition smooth for all of us, and that we will come to know one another well and be overcome with the love of Christ for one another, even when we're annoying the stew out of one another.